Submitted by one of the many personalities of Anon A. Mouse
I thought our relationship was real. As I stood in front of the mirror sobbing, my every insecurity magnified, I truly believed that you could fix me. You told me that if I invested in our friendship, if I protected you, then you would make me beautiful.
Over the past year you have become my closest friend, the only one that I could rely on. You understood me. You could hear my voice, my cries when I thought they were silent. I never had that connection with anyone before. Throughout those long nights, when I felt cold, desperate and alone, you were there for me, hugging me, and you never let go.
I can’t believe it took me two full years to see the truth behind your hugs. In reality, you were grasping my body with all of your strength. It was a suffocating hug, with no breathing room, consuming my stomach until there was almost nothing left. Every day, living with you was like a competition. You convinced me that I could only be beautiful if I ate 500 calories. Soon enough, that number dropped to 400…300…200…100…10…0.
Ana, you practically murdered me and left the slow, painful beats of my heart striking my chest. You sucked every element of my life from me- you stole my passion and determination, you stole my personality and any element of self-respect that I had hidden away. I let you control my words, because I wasn’t capable of forming them on my own anymore. Soon enough, the throbbing made its way to my head-capturing every last ability to think for myself. My soft, tan skin turned pale and discolored. My eyes drooped with bags, as if I hadn’t slept in days. Long strands of my hair began falling out one by one. This was the new me, and you convinced me that I was beautiful. If I kept going for 2 more days, I would be even more beautiful.
Today I woke up to the sound of the hospital’s machines regulating my heart beat. They said that I’m going to be here for a while, and I know that you can’t stay with me. I’m not one to abandon friends, best friends, but now I’m wondering if there was any truth to our friendship to begin with. After all, friendships aren’t supposed to be a secret, are they? I’m turning my back on you Ana, along with your ridiculous rules and outrageous expectations. Please don’t keep in touch, it’ll only make things worse.